


If You Feel Like Letting Go

by AllTimePhan73



Series: Voltron Short Stories [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anxiety, Enemies to Friends, Hurt/Comfort, Orphan Keith (Voltron), Panic Attacks, Popularity, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-10-28 09:44:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17785082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllTimePhan73/pseuds/AllTimePhan73
Summary: Finding a jock having a panic attack beneath a desk at school isn't something you come across every day.TW: Suicidal thoughts, panic attacks and anxiety.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Is he okay?"
> 
> “Yes, he is. Don’t tell anyone about this, okay? He doesn’t want anyone to know about his panic attacks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a random fic that started off as a one shot but ended up with five short chapters. I wrote this as a distraction from my loneliness on Valentine's Day :)

The sound of someone sobbing echoed around the small classroom. Keith’s eyes thinned as he walked forward, trying to figure out where the sound was coming from. Eventually, he narrowed it down to the teacher’s desk where another boy was curled up, his head buried into his knees. “Uh… are you… okay?” Keith questioned, despite the answer being obvious. He was never very good with talking to people and had problems with comfort in particular. The poor kid just _had_ to be found by him. 

“Fuck off, Keith.” The boy showed his face for a millisecond as he spoke and that was enough for Keith to figure out who it was. Lance. He recognised him from his science and maths classes. He was the loud, obnoxious kid that Keith always made sure to stay clear of. Their morals resonated miles apart so any interactions they shared were destined for doom. 

“I feel like I shouldn’t… Should I get someone for you?”

“I said fuck off, alright? And don’t you- don’t you dare tell anyone you found me!” His words connoted anger but his tone just suggested desperation. Keith got down on his knees so that he could meet Lance’s height.

“I won’t tell anyone. Why are you crying? Is there anything I can do?” Lance sniffed, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his phone. He shoved it into Keith’s hands.

“Call Hunk. Please. My passcode is 1402.” Keith tapped in the digits before opening up Lance’s contacts. Most of them had weird names that Keith would have laughed at if the context was different. Instead, he absentmindedly scrolled passed ‘Dad™’ and ‘Gorgeous Man' until he found Hunk. He clicked into the name and put the phone on speaker.

The phone rang a couple of times before someone picked up. “Hey, Lancey Lance. How’s-” The guy started but Keith cut him off by clearing his throat.

“I’m with Lance in one of the maths’ rooms. Can you get here? He’s in a bit of a state.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just come here please. It’s M2.” 

“Okay…”

The phone went dead and Keith crossed his legs so he could sit in a position that was comfier than squatting. Lance had uncurled a little so that his chin was resting on his knees, his clouded eyes available for Keith to stare into. “Do you want to talk about what happened?” Keith asked but to no avail: Lance just shook his head. A few minutes of silence passed until the door suddenly burst open to reveal Hunk.

“Lance?” He called out so Keith held up his hand to show Hunk where they were. Hunk pushed Keith to the side rather harshly so that he could get to his friend. He started to mumble something: strange questions such as, “Name five things you can see?" that Keith didn’t understand. He stood up, watching the pair even though the moment appeared intimate. 

“Is he okay?” Keith asked a few minutes after Hunk had stopped asking questions. Hunk turned to look at Keith, as if surprised he was still standing there.

“Yes, he is. Don’t tell anyone about this, okay? He doesn’t want anyone to know about his panic attacks.”

“What, why? It’s totally normal-”

“He has a reputation, Keith. He might be shunned if people realise he has anxiety. Do us a favour by leaving and forgetting this ever happened.”

Keith’s mouth fell open but he was quick to shut it again. He didn’t say anything else as he picked up his backpack and left the classroom.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What are you going to do? Cry to your mum about it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got really curious about panic attacks because I didn't quite brush up on my facts before posting this. I asked my psychology teacher whether people would find comfort in small spaces and he said potentially if they had a fear of open spaces. Let's pretend Lance has a fear of open spaces here then :)
> 
> Also this is kind of a random piece of writing so if you have prompts for this, feel free to comment! I only have five set chapters but I'm prepared to explore different scenarios if you have any requests!!

“I’m going to switch things up a bit,” The teacher started, wearing a smile that could only be mischievous. “I’m going to assign you new seats!” A chorus of groans. Keith glanced around at his class in search for people who he wouldn’t mind sitting next to. He much preferred to sit at the back, in the shadows of the other students so he could daydream without anyone noticing.

As soon as Keith’s name was called out he wanted death. Out of every single student in the class, he was put next to Lance. They hadn’t talked at all since the panic attack incident. Keith collapsed into his seat, fully intending on ignoring the stupid jock who wouldn’t admit his anxiety to others out of a fear of rejection. As the most rejected kid in school, Keith didn’t see much of a problem with not having friends. He got on with his work and no one cared when he acted up because no one would notice. There wasn’t anybody to hurt him and there weren’t people for him to spend excessive time worrying about. Being a reject held more advantages than disadvantages.

“Keith,” Lance whispered, leaning over so that he was deep inside Keith’s personal space. “You haven’t told anyone, have you?”

Keith turned to look at him. His eyes were thin and his eyebrows were scrunched up; all in anger at the other boy. “No, I have not, Lance. Who do I have to tell anyway? I don’t have any friends and you know it. I can’t believe you think some stupid popularity is more important than your mental health though. It’s ridiculous. If your friends tease you for having anxiety, they’re shitty friends.”

“You don’t understand. You don’t have friends so you don’t understand what it’s like to have them. I need them, Keith. They make school much more bearable. I’m not depressed, unlike you. I don’t want to have to mope around and hate everything. I’m sorry that that’s just how you chose to be in the first place. I bet your family are real proud of that.”

“Don’t you dare mention my family.” Sharpness filled Keith’s tone, leaving small amounts of room for argument. Lance squeezed into that room and stretched it as far as it could possibly go, eventually breaking the seams.

“Sensitive subject? Oh, I’m sorry. What are you going to do? Cry to your mum about it?” Keith struck his arm out and punched Lance. The entire class turned to look at them, desperate for any kind of entertainment in a boring science lesson. Lance jolted back in shock but soon fought back, grabbing Keith’s shoulders and pushing him onto the floor. 

Screeches echoed around the classroom as people cheered on the fight and the teacher stood there, shocked. “Lance, Keith, cut it out!”

Both boys had gotten multiple hits in before they were pulled apart. Keith’s lip was busted and Lance’s nose was dripping with blood. The teacher roughly pulled them both out of the classroom whilst they glared at each other. Lance’s hand was pressed against his dripping nose to catch the blood whilst Keith was trying his hardest not to move his right hand. They entered the office and the teacher looked far from happy.

-

A couple of weeks community service could have been much worse but, because Lance and Keith hadn’t been in trouble much before, they were let off rather easily. All they had to do was help clean up some of the classrooms together.

That was how they ended up spending their afternoons pent up in the art classrooms, washing paint brushes and cleaning the tables. Keith shoved his earphones in and drowned Lance out the entire time, trying his best to immerse himself into the beautiful voices of Patrick Stump and Brendon Urie. Meanwhile, Lance was sat on one of the tables, scrolling through Instagram on his phone. As soon as Keith noticed, he turned and glared at the boy.

“Get off your lazy ass and help me! It’s your fault we’re here anyway!” He snapped, dropping one of the paint brushes he had been holding into the sink. Lance rolled his eyes, throwing his head back to pretend he hadn’t heard Keith. “Do you want me to give you another bloody nose?”

“Is that a threat, Kogane?” Lance seemed interested in that as he jumped off of the table. 

“Maybe it is. This will be done so much quicker if you actually did something. Twitter can wait.”

“Instagram, actually. Get it right.”

Keith glared at Lance again, finally making him move. He picked up a cloth, dampened it and started to wipe down the table he had been sitting on. “Play your music aloud even if it’s emo shit. Anything’s better than silence.”

Keith didn’t say anything as he pulled out his earphones so that Lance could hear what he had been listening to. He was in the middle of the song Young and Menace by Fall Out Boy. 

“It isn’t exactly Beyoncé but I’ll admit it’s decent.” They both got into a rhythm as they listened to Keith’s supposedly emo music and continued to clean. Neither of them said a word; not even when they parted at the end of the detention.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If I was going to blackmail you, I’d have done it by now.”

After about a week of detentions, Lance and Keith’s nonexistent relationship hadn’t improved at all. Every week day they would just sit around, listening to music and cleaning without saying a word. Saying nothing was better than arguing. 

About halfway through detention on the seventh day, Lance stopped all of a sudden. All of his attention was directed at his phone; just like it had been on the first day. “Lance, what the heck? I thought we had something going with-” Keith started to snap before turning around and actually looking at Lance. He had turned a rather white colour and his legs were shaking; so much so that Keith could notice it. “Uh… dude? You okay?”

“I- I need to go.”

“But we need-” Keith bit back a snap, realising that Lance was getting nearer and nearer to the state Keith had first found him in as each second passed. “Alright, go. I’ll make up an excuse for you if the teacher comes to check on us.”

“Thank you.” Lance rushed out and Keith was left to finish up the cleaning. He didn’t mind, just putting his earphones back in and doing a little dance as he cleaned up.

-

Lance didn’t show up for detention the next day. 

-

Or the next.

-

After Lance was missing the second day, Keith took it upon himself to ask Hunk where he was hiding. He walked up to the other boy and poked his arm, not caring that all of the popular kids turned to look at him as if he was insane. “Where’s Lance? He hasn’t been in detention for a few days.” Keith said, raising his eyebrows.

Hunk glanced down at his lap and then at the others at the table. “It’s not my place to tell you. Why do you even care? Last time I checked, you were shouting at him and beating him up.”

“He was doing the same to me!”

“That doesn’t make it right.”

“You’re right. Just… tell him I won’t cover for him for much longer.” 

“Sure.” 

-

Lance turned up on the third day, looking half dead. He had massive, black bags under his eyes and his face was ghostly. His movements seemed slow and he didn’t say a word. He didn’t even thank Keith for covering for him. “Are you okay?” Keith eventually asked. Panic! At The Disco could only go so far when filling an awkward silence. 

“Why do you care?” Lance snapped back.

“Because I don’t like seeing people hurt. Even if you’re a jerk, I still don’t want you upset. Last time I saw you, you look like you were on the verge of breaking.”

“You’re just trying to find dirt on me.”

“Yeah, right. If I was going to blackmail you, I’d have done it by now.”

“Fine…” Lance lifted himself up onto the side, his legs dangling down and kicking the side as he swung them. Keith sat beside him, keeping two feet between them to be safe. “My sister is really sick. Last week, she gave us a bit of a scare,” Lance’s breath hitched. He refused to look Keith in the eye, a sign that it was a really hard thing for him to talk about. “She almost died. It was- was a really close call. I got so scared. I thought- I thought I wasn’t going to be there. Everyone was already there so I had to grab a train but I didn’t have enough money. I just started sobbing in the middle of the train station and Hunk had to come and give me a lift. I’m so pathetic. It’s stupid,” Lance’s voice was wavering and a tear was dripping down his cheek. His voice hardened substantially as he spoke the next sentence, “I swear if you tell anyone-”

“I won’t.” Keith cut him off with a wonky smile. “I’m not perfect either, you know? I don’t even have a sister… or a mother… or father.”

“You mean… you’re completely alone?” 

“Yeah. I live with a foster family but they suck. They don’t care about me at all. I’m always having to do all the chores and I think they only foster me for the money they get given for it. I think they’re going to kick me out as soon as I turn eighteen which is fun.” Keith spoke in a monotone, having come to terms with his problems a long time ago. He knew no one loved him. He knew it and he accepted it. “There isn’t a single person in this world who gives a shit about me. It’s wonderful.”

“Wonderful?” Keith nodded, his hair swaying with his head.

“Yeah, means no one cares if I do bad shit. I act up and get myself into fights and there isn’t anyone to stop me. I could die and no one would notice. I guess it’s good to know that’s always an option.”

“Are you being serious right now?” Lance sounded genuinely shocked as he asked the question. Keith furrowed his eyebrows, nodding his head slowly. He was bewildered as to why Lance sounded so incredulous. “You can’t die, Keith. Dying is never an option.”

“You say that but people care about you. You have a family. I don’t have anyone.”

“You’re not completely alone. Even if you think you are.”

“You’re just being nice. If I died, I’d become another statistic. One in so many. No one would even bother to remember my name.”

“Yes, they would. I wouldn’t forget you.” Lance glanced up and they met eyes for a brief moment. Keith’s eyes were empty whilst Lance’s were shining with tears. They both looked away. 

“Why? All we do is argue.” Keith muttered, successfully disguising the tremor in his voice.

“I know but I still care. Earlier you said you didn’t want me to be upset even if we’re not friends. I- I feel the same. I don’t want you to die.”

“I’m not going to, don’t worry.” Lance randomly reached over and grabbed a scrap piece of paper. They must have been doing a good job with cleaning if there was a piece of paper lying in the middle of the table. He fished a pen out of his pocket and scribbled something down on it.

“If you ever feel like you want to… You can call me.”

Keith took the paper and stared at the digits on it. Lance’s writing was sloppy but it somehow suited him perfectly. He tore the paper down the middle and wrote down his own number for Lance. “If you ever have a panic attack or just want someone to talk to…” Keith handed the paper over and they shared a smile.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you care about me? You- You can be honest.”

“Uh… hi.” Keith murmured, feeling more stupid than he had ever felt and he had once worn a leotard in front of about a hundred people (don't ask). He was fiddling with his hands in his lap, trying to distract himself from his racing thoughts. 

“You okay?” Lance’s voice was soft. It was peculiar, considering the fact that they had been enemies just a week ago. It was their first time talking on the phone but Keith wouldn’t have called if he wasn’t desperate.

“Perfect. I was just calling to ask how you were.” Keith’s shaky voice gave it all away. 

“Cut the crap. I can tell something’s up.”

Keith slowly inhaled, chewing on his lip so hard that blood was on the verge of being drawn. Eventually, it bubbled to the surface but Keith didn’t notice. 90% of his attention was on the thoughts and the other 10% was on Lance. “Do you care about me? You- You can be honest.”

“I do. I know we aren’t close or whatever but I do. I don’t like seeing people hurt.”

“So I’m not special to you or anything?”

“I mean, we-”

“No, no, don’t answer that.”

“Where are you right now?”

Keith lifted up his head, glancing around his bedroom. His back was right up against the side of his bed but he was sat on the floor. His bedroom was messy: his bed covers were strewn over the bed, clothes were covering the floor and his books were scattered around the room. He had had a bit of a meltdown; not that Lance needed to know that. “I’m in my bedroom.”

“Okay. Did something happen?”

“Just an argument.”

“Between..?”

“Me and my foster mum. She called me useless and pathetic. I screamed back at her and she threatened to kick me out again.” Keith laughed but the laugh was half-hearted. Lance sighed.

“She sounds like a bitch.”

“She is… I hate her so much but she gives me a roof over my head so…”

“That doesn’t give her an excuse to speak to you like that. You deserve so much better.”

“It’s whatever,” Keith pulled his legs closer to his chest so he could hug them. He could hear his foster mother clattering down in the kitchen, sounding like an elephant. “Can we talk about something else?”

“Of course. Anything in particular?”

“Can we just ask each other random questions or something?”

“Of course, Keith. You can ask first.” 

“Okay,” Keith pondered for a moment. “Favourite colour?”

“Blue. Yours?”

“Red.”

“Favourite animal?”

“Wolves.”

“I like lions.”

-

Hours later, Keith’s foster mother pushed Keith’s door open and glanced into the room. Keith was sprawled out on his bed, his phone laying beside his ear. His eyes were shut and his mouth was agape as soft snores escaped. She tutted, picking up the books and putting them back on the shelf. She slowly tidied up the room as much as she could without waking up the sleeping boy.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Guys, I need to tell you something."

“Guys, I need to tell you something,” Lance said, standing tall to fake confidence. The entire group stared at him with bored eyes, just hoping he’d get his announcement over and done with. “I have anxiety. It’s not the social kind, that’s why I’m okay. It’s called generalised-”

A boy stood up, a single eyebrow raised. “Anxiety? That’s pathetic. You’re supposed to be a boy, Lance. That means being strong.” He snorted, turning to the others as the table erupted into a round of laughter. 

“No,” Lance corrected. “Boys can suffer with it too. It doesn’t mean I’m not strong, it just means-”

“You’re stupid.” A girl laughed. All of the laughter was deafening and it was suffocating Lance. He was breathing heavily and he shoved his chair backwards and fled the room, not even bothering to grab his backpack. He ducked into the first room he saw and dived underneath the desk where he knew he probably wouldn’t be found. He made himself as small as possible by hugging his legs and burying his head into his knees. His cries were muffled. Being such a tall, lanky boy, his head was pressed against the top of the desk and his arms were jabbing at the sides.

All that was going around his head was that manic laughter and repetitions of the words ‘pathetic’, ‘stupid’ and ‘you’re supposed to be a boy’. When he closed his eyes, he could almost pretend that he was back at home, hiding underneath his bed like he used to when he had attacks as a kid. His phone vibrated in his pocket but he ignored it just so he didn’t have to focus on reality again. When his phone started to vibrate again and didn’t stop, he finally reached for it.

It was Hunk. He ignored it, assuming Hunk would have chosen Lance’s other friends over him. He didn’t want to be teased even more. Still hyperventilating, he opened up Keith’s contact before ringing him. It rang a few times before it was answered. “Lance? Is everything okay?”

“B1,” Lance choked out, his state evident. “Please.”

“I’m coming, alright? Just breathe with me, okay?” Keith started to count his breaths so that Lance could easily follow it. Lance tried his best but was struggling. A few minutes later, Keith burst into the room and immediately headed towards the desk. 

“I’m sorry-” Lance gasped, pressing his head between his knees again. Keith reached out and rubbed Lance’s back, even if it was hard in such a compressed space.

“Don’t apologise. Do you want to tell me what happened?” Lance shook his head. “Okay, can you tell me five things you can see?” After committing himself to comforting Lance, Keith had done his research. Those kinds of questions were known as ‘grounding’ and were effective in helping someone find a grip on reality after a panic attack. Keith kept his voice soft until Lance was coming to again and actually raising his head to meet Keith’s gaze. “Do you want me to play some music or something?” Lance shook his head because he preferred silence. Silence was calming (so was Keith’s voice though).

Lance shuffled over so there was space for Keith beside him. Keith crawled underneath. The space was so compact that he was pressed right up against Lance and it wasn’t at all comfortable but, if it made Lance feel better, Keith didn’t mind sitting like that. 

“We’ve come full circle,” Keith murmured, smiling gently as Lance laid his head down on Keith’s shoulder. “When I first met you properly, you were hiding underneath a desk.”

“Yeah…”

“I’m sorry I was such a jerk to you at first. I shouldn’t have made you feel like you had to tell your friends about your personal issues.”

“It’s okay. You were right anyway. I told them today and they hated me for it. They were shitty friends really.”

“Oh… I’m so sorry.”

“It’s probably better this way. I know who my real friends are.”

“Hunk?”

“I don’t know how he reacted to me telling them, if I’m honest. I ignored his calls. I was more thinking you.”

“Really?” Keith’s surprise was evident in his tone. He smiled softly, turning and watching as Lance stared ahead. 

“Yeah. You’ve been there for me; unlike them. We may have hated each other at first but now… I think you’re one of my best friends.”

“I never in a million years would have imagined you saying that.”

“Is it bad?”

“No,” They made eye contact and maintained it. “Not at all.”


End file.
